I confess I have never wanted to cheat on my husband so much than just now. He left for a business trip today. He doesn't meet my emotional or sexual needs. Ever since I dropped him off at the airport I've felt depressed - wondering if I married the right guy, even though I love him like crazy.
Got horny, as usual.. came to motherless, pornhub.. then finally craigslist. It turns me on reading the local men seeking women ads. That's what got me going tonight. Even now I'm laying face down on our bed, wearing only a shirt, while my toy lays spent to the left of me. I was relentless.. usually I pull my toy off when the vibrations are too much for my clit.. this time I tried not to, it was so intense. Sometimes I start building up to something so huge I get scared and back off. I have a fantasy of a man coaxing me through my orgasm.. saying things like 'yeah baby...good girl.. let it go... i've got you...' Once when my husband was drunk he said "That's my girl" and I came right then.
He has such a low sex drive.. I don't know how we are gonna make it together. I just want to be fucked. Sometimes I want to be used. I love sucking his cock, taking it down to his balls, swallowing around it. I wish he would control me more when I do that. I was not very experienced when we met, had sex a grand total of 3 times before then (although one was a drunken threesome.. thats another confession however). I feel like I need to explore my sexuality, I want that so much.. but it's hard to do that when you are denied day after day.
I want to go out dancing and end up getting fucked in the alley. I feel guilty for being so hot all the time, especially for some of the things that turn me on.. I think they are totally wrong but they get me so freaking excited. I feel guilty for not being happy with sex once every few weeks. I feel like a whore for wanting it at least once a day. Sometimes I wish I would not have been such a quiet shy girl in college, and would have taken advantage of the horny guys one floor down in my dorm. Then maybe all this would be out of my system and I wouldn't want right now more than anything to walk outside at two thirty am and find someone who will fuck me. Hard.
I have cheated on him once.. through the internet and phone sex. Some may say it doesn't count, but I used someone other than him, a real person, to get off. One was an older guy.. had the hottest phone call with him. I loved hearing him get off over the phone to me. Made me feel so desired, wanted, so sexy. Great. Now I'm horny again. Back to fantasizing...
